memorial for dad

this is what I wrote and said at the annual memorial service for deceased children

 

Good Evening. My name is Veronica Scott. In May 2002 I was pregnant with triplets. I lost two of them on May 17 Katrina Renne and Alisha Nichole and lost the last one Greg Jr. on May 19. Some of you have met my dad, but for those who have not I would like to share a little bit about him with you. Fifteen years ago my father James Witmer coordinated the first memorial service for families of deceased children. While he was working, a co-worker was asking him if he knew any memorial service designed just for those who lost children. She lost a child and went to the service provided by hospice, but sat next to a person who lost their elderly parent. When you loose a child, the grieving is so much different from when you loose a parent or other family member. Dad decided to plan a memorial service for those that lost children. He thought it would have been a one-time event; the first service consisted of about 20 people. With this service being so needed and wanted in the community dad decided to make it an annual event, and do it the first part of December due to the fact that the holidays are so painful and this is a way that each of us can celebrate Christmas with our children who have passed away before us and who we miss and love so much.  Doing so gave him both great sorrow and great joy. It hurt him to see any child hurt, suffer, or die at such a young age, yet he was glad he was able to provide something to the families that are left behind. On September 8, 2004 dad peacefully went to be with the Lord. He was diagnosed in July 2004 with terminal liver cancer. Before he died, he told my brother and sister in law that when he got to heaven he was going to pick out a grandchild to send down. My sister in law asked him to put in a good work for a little girl. He did just that, on Sept 18, my brother and sister inlaw welcomed their first child a little girl into this world. When he first found out, he had cancer one of his main concerns was that this service be continued for each of you and for those who need it in the future. His other concern was his family and a few special friends. I can remember dad working and preparing this service, making sure each detail is taken care of.  From sending out the information, to talking to whoever called that wanted information, to polishing each ball that is placed on the living memorial and each keepsake ornament that he handed out. Dad was the type of person that would do anything for anyone especially a child. He would stop whatever he was doing if a kid missed the school bus and needed a ride to school, needed someone to talk to. When children were outside playing dad would sit out there and watch them, smiling and often would offer them something to drink or something to eat whether it be candy, ice cream, or anything they wanted. If they wanted something he did not have, he would make sure he would have it next time. I know now that dad is in heaven with my children and with your children until the day we all meet again. Tomorrow is dad’s birthday and he would have been 58 years old. My mother found a poem I would like to share with you titled Merry Christmas from Heaven written by John William Mooney Jr...

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<o:p> I still hear the songs</o:p>

<o:p>I still see the lights </o:p>

<o:p> I still feel your love </o:p>

<o:p>on cold wintry nights</o:p>

<o:p></o:p> 

<o:p>I still share your hopes</o:p>

<o:p>and all your cares</o:p>

<o:p>I'll even remind you </o:p>

<o:p>to please say your prayers</o:p>

<o:p></o:p> 

<o:p>I just want to tell you </o:p>

<o:p>you still make me proud</o:p>

<o:p>You stand head and shoulders </o:p>

<o:p>above all the crowd</o:p>

<o:p></o:p> 

<o:p>Keep trying each moment </o:p>

<o:p>to stay in his grace </o:p>

<o:p>I came here before you </o:p>

<o:p>to help set your place </o:p>

<o:p></o:p> 

<o:p>You don't have to be </o:p>

<o:p>perfect all the time </o:p>

<o:p>He forgives you the slip </o:p>

<o:p>If you continue the climb</o:p>

<o:p></o:p> 

<o:p>To my family and friends </o:p>

<o:p>please be thankful today </o:p>

<o:p>I'm still close beside you </o:p>

<o:p>in a new special way</o:p>

<o:p></o:p> 

<o:p>I love you all dearly </o:p>

<o:p>now don't shed a tear </o:p>

<o:p>Cause I'm spending my </o:p>

<o:p>Christmas with Jesus this year</o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

We love you dad and we miss you more than words can ever express. Give my children, and the children of each family here tonight a hug and a kiss let them know they to are loved, missed and thought of everyday. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas dad. May the Lord be with each of you and give you comfort today and each day to follow.

update busy busy busy

I have been so busy lately. Exams are just over a week away, I have papers and projects due soon I am working on. I am also busy trying to help mom, and get ready for Christmas. The memorial service dad started 15 years ago is being held on Dec 8 and I am going to that not only in dads memory but also my babies memory. I am also having a few medical problems and have to go in for testing on Dec 12 and 13. I am very scared and nervous. Madison is getting so big, she weighs 10 lbs already. she is smiling at people now and is alert more. I still can't get Greg to hold her, she is so little he is still afraid to hold her. I already know as soon as he holds her, then POOF she will also be her uncles little girl. I can't wait for Christmas now. I have lost 40 pounds so far woooooooohooooooooo. I am feeling so much better about that, now to just get the rest of my medical probs taken care of and I will be good to go.

pics of maddie and update on everyone

It has been so long since I have done an update, things here are crazy. Finals are coming up in school, I have a million projects and papers due. Mom is doing better physically but not emotionally. The holidays are hard on her, plus she is dealing with a lot of stress herself. I try to be there for her as much as I can. It just feels like the family is falling apart and no matter what I do or how hard I try theres nothing I can do to either help it or prevent it. I don't know where to turn for help. I know if dad and grandma was here they would know what to do. I miss them so much. I know I havent had time to grieve for either one I have been so busy trying to take care of everyone else. I know one day its gonna hit me and I know its gonna hit me hard. I put on a smile in front of other people but deep inside the tears are falling and can't stop. my number one concern right now though is my mom, I have to help her, I have to take care of her, I want to make sure  that she is proud of who I have become. I know dad and grandma are looking down on me smiling, I have done so much growing the last 15 months. My Dr increased my meds so I am hoping that helps soon. Also since I have started this diet I have lost 40 pounds so far. I am in a size 16-18 now woooooooohoooooooo. I will try to do an entry again soon and add more pics I have a Drs appt today with a specialist cuz I have a few medical problems that need looked into, I just hope I am ok.

update on Madison and mom

Madison recieved her first piece of jewelry. A good family friend bought Madison a silver baby bracelet. It is so pretty and looks great on her. She went to the Dr on Monday, hasn't gained any weight but hasn't lost any either. The Dr also told them what to get for Maddies arms, since they are so dry. I took mom down to see her last Saturday, and there is another picture of grandma holding her grandaughter. There is also a picture of my "foster baby"  Dakota eating his candy bar he got for being good at the groomers. He was holding it just like a kid would lol. I had to take mom to the hospital Monday night/Tuesday morning due to her foot hurting.Then I took her to the Dr yesterday. There is an infection in it now and he gave her some antibiotics. She is in severe pain, I just wish there was something I could do to help take the pain away. I feel so helpless. I take her back to the Dr Thursday so he can look at it again. He said they may have to do surgery again, we are all hoping they don't, mom is scared to death to go back to that hospital again.School is going good for me, I have exams this week in all my classes, so I have been studying and working on them. I will update more when I have time.

Madison Nicole Has arrived

On Sunday September 18, 2005  at 8:58 P.M. Denise Delivered a healthy baby girl, Madison Nicole. She weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces and is 20 and 3/4 inches long. Mom and baby are both doing fine. They came home tonight. Maddie was introduced to her dog "brothers" tonight also, and that went really well. Dad and grandma( Denises mom) was in the delivery room at the time of birth. Jimmy cut the embilical cord also. Maddie was so anxious to come out, she flew out. The Dr said she never saw a baby come out so fast. As a result of that, they didn't have a chance to suction her before she was totally delivered, and she also tore her mom really bad, 4th degree lacerations. I am so happy, I have the most beautiful baby ever as my neice. I love her very much, Mom and I went to their house tonight when they got home so we could see and hold Maddie 1 more time before I go back to work tommorrow. I already can't wait till this weekend to see her again. When I found out her middle name was Nicole, I was shocked. Greg and I told no one in the family that when I lost the triplets that we also named them,  Gregory Jr.  Katrina Renee, and Alisha Nichole.  Only difference is we spelled the name different. Mom and I think this was Dads way of letting us know he is still with us. He would be so proud right now, he did send down a beautiful baby girl to our family. Jimmy and Denise are already making wonderful parents. I am so proud of them.

no baby yet and update on mom

wow  its been a while since I had a chance to do an update....  so here it is. Still no baby yet, although she is still 3 cm dialated and 100% efaced, she is having contractions  but they aren't strong yet. Mom is doing a little better, her foot still bothers her. I took her to the Dr on Tuesday, and the stitches weren't ready to come out yet, so I have to take her back on the 20th, which is also Gregs 35th birthday. This Saturday I am going to go see Lonestar in concert. I am so excited. On Monday I am taking Greg to the Tractor pull for his birthday. We are both off work Monday and Tuesday, but I do have school both days. Classes are going really well. I had papers due in my abnormal psych class and my social work w/ individuals class,  both papers I got A+  woooooooohoooooooooo. Computer class we only get grades when we take a test ( thats when we also turn in all our homework). I get a feeling that Madison will make her appearance on Saturday. I already said if she does I am gonna beat her butt. Aunt Roni really wants to go to the concert. Although if I do get the call that they are on the way to the hospital, the only concert of lonestar I will see will be on dvd on CMT. lol Work is really really busy right now,  one of our clients is the American Red Cross. With all the donations coming in for Hurricane Katrina relief we have been up to our eyeballs in donations. IF I get to go to the concert I will be putting pictures on here of it on Sunday night,  If you don't see pictures of the concert  then you will see pictures of Madison. I already have one gift for her bought that I am not gonna give to her until she is born lol  I do know I will be buying more as soon as I see her lol  I gotta spoil the little munchkin   

I Miss you Dad

it has been a year now since my dad passed away. I miss him so much. I woke up at 4 30 am,  the exact time my brother checked on dad then he came out and said " its over" I couldn't cry then, I had to stay strong for mom, but this morning while laying there the tears began to pour. I thought about everything that has happened the past year, and also about what dad would think, he is about to become a grandfather, something he was always looking forward to, seeing me back in school with only a few classes to go till I get my degree.Greg and I getting on our feet, I also think about what he would think and say as a result of other things that happened, like when the hospital overdosed mom on morphone,  or when the woman that lives above mom complained about the dog or what we heard her say to others about mom moving there. Mom has told me, when I lost our children, dad would sit on the edge of his bed and cry, I can only imagine how he would feel about the new grandchild from Jimmy and Denise, but I also know in my heart he is loking after my children until the Lord calls me home. Jimmy has said Madison was less active yesturday so we are thinking the time is close when she will make an appearance. I can't wait to see her,  to hold her, to kiss her, to spoil her, I can't wait to become an aunt. I want to tell her all about her grandfather and great grandmother. Greg and I was talking and when I get done school, we want to look into buying a house then we want to adopt. and I know just as dad picked out madison for jimmy,  he will hand pick a child for me.

update

wow it has been a wild weekend, Iwent to see mom Sat. morning and discovered the hospital overdosed her on morphine. She was totally out of it. No one called my brother and I which they should have due to the advanced directives and we have power of atterny over her medical. Mom was basically knocking on deaths door on Sat. On Sunday she was a little better and was sent to rehab,Monday afternoon she felt she was going to pass out and started getting chest pain, so they moved her again to the telematry unit. After they watched her overnight and decided she was ok, she was transfered back to the rehab on Tuesday. They are saying she should be able to come home Saturday morning now. My sister in laws contractions started back up again yesturday, and we thought we was going to get the call that she was on the way to the hospital last night  but it didn't happen, Hopefully today I will get the call, I can't wait to see Madison and spoil her rotton, although she is already spoiled. I went and bought her a few books and a pink stuffed animal I am sure is going to be  bigger than her when she finally arrives.

Tommorrow is the 1 year anniversay sinse my dad passed away, so I have been depressed about that. I went to the Dr yesturday and found out I lost 5 more pounds. I am slowly getting where I want to be. I talked to the Dr about things going on and he increased my anti depressant from 20 mg a day  to 40 mg a day. I just hope I am able to make it through all this without loosing my mind. I am worried about mom, excited about being an aunt and yet very upset my dad isn't here to see his first born grandchild, although I know he is with my children until the Lord calls me home.

update on mom

I just got off the phone with mom, she sounded a little better than earlier this morning. She is still in pain but is waiting on pharmasist to come up to increase her pain meds. I have work then school today, so I won't be able to see her till about 10 tonight which upsets me. I just wish I could take her pain away and make her feel better. I am definatly going to write a formal letter to the hospital to complain about the care she is getting. I am also going to write a letter to the editor to the newspaper. I am hoping with my letters, more people will come forward and complain about the level of care and concern they recieve while in the hospital. They are still talking about letting mom come home tommorrow morning or she will go in rehab for a while till she is able to care for herself.It doesn't matter to me cuz if she comes home, I will be glad to help care for her, at least I will know she is getting the basics, like a washcloth to wash her face and hands in the morning  and the ability to brush her teeth when she gets up.

Moms Surgery

Mom had her surgery today. The Dr said everything went great. After I talked to the Dr I had to head to college then back down to the hospital. When I got back to the hospital, mom was in severe pain. I went and told the nurse about it  and her attitude totally sucked and basically said " Oh well". I went down and complained to the hospitals nursing supervisor,  by the time I got back upstairs, someone was in her room and increased her medication. I am so pissed off at that hospital, they are not there for the patients  but only the paycheck. On a brighter note, Denise comes off her meds on Sunday and the Dr told her we should have a baby next week sometime. I am so excited. I can't wait to see and hold little Madison. I saw my brother tonight and asked him about the middle name  he just smiled and said they didn't know yet. I guess they want to have something to surprise the grandparents, the aunt and uncle among all the other family about her middle name. I just hope she isn't born on the 8th. the anniversary of dads death. I will keep you all posted 

life

Today is August 31,  its been 10 years today since my aunt passed away. Also in 9 more days it will be a year since my dad passed. It has been 8 months since my grandma passed, I miss them all very much. I know I have changed so much in this last year. My dad was disappointed in me when he died and that hurts me very much. I have done a lot of growing up lately. My mom has surgery Thursday morning  and I am really worried about that. I have become really close to her since loosing dad. I am now scared of loosing her also. I know that sounds childish, but I want to make my mom, my brother, my sister in law, my husband and most importantly me  proud of who I am. I promised dad before he died that I would go back and finish school and I am so happy I did. I only have 7 classes after this semester until I am done and will have my degree in Human services. After I graduate I would like to either work for Hospice or I will do volunteer work for them or I would like to either work with the mentally ill or in the prison system. I have class today then I go to work, after work I head to moms so I can take her to the hospital in the morning, then up the road for class then back down to the hospital. Greg is very understanding about me doing this and helping mom. I married the second best man around, the first has always and will always be daddy

Baby shower for my brother and sister in law

They had a baby shower for my sister in law and brother on August 21, 2005. It was wonderful. They got a lot of nice things for Madison. I am so happy for them and can't wait to become an aunt. Here are a few pictures from the shower.