Tuesday, November 29, 2005

update busy busy busy

I have been so busy lately. Exams are just over a week away, I have papers and projects due soon I am working on. I am also busy trying to help mom, and get ready for Christmas. The memorial service dad started 15 years ago is being held on Dec 8 and I am going to that not only in dads memory but also my babies memory. I am also having a few medical problems and have to go in for testing on Dec 12 and 13. I am very scared and nervous. Madison is getting so big, she weighs 10 lbs already. she is smiling at people now and is alert more. I still can't get Greg to hold her, she is so little he is still afraid to hold her. I already know as soon as he holds her, then POOF she will also be her uncles little girl. I can't wait for Christmas now. I have lost 40 pounds so far woooooooohooooooooo. I am feeling so much better about that, now to just get the rest of my medical probs taken care of and I will be good to go.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

pics of maddie and update on everyone

It has been so long since I have done an update, things here are crazy. Finals are coming up in school, I have a million projects and papers due. Mom is doing better physically but not emotionally. The holidays are hard on her, plus she is dealing with a lot of stress herself. I try to be there for her as much as I can. It just feels like the family is falling apart and no matter what I do or how hard I try theres nothing I can do to either help it or prevent it. I don't know where to turn for help. I know if dad and grandma was here they would know what to do. I miss them so much. I know I havent had time to grieve for either one I have been so busy trying to take care of everyone else. I know one day its gonna hit me and I know its gonna hit me hard. I put on a smile in front of other people but deep inside the tears are falling and can't stop. my number one concern right now though is my mom, I have to help her, I have to take care of her, I want to make sure  that she is proud of who I have become. I know dad and grandma are looking down on me smiling, I have done so much growing the last 15 months. My Dr increased my meds so I am hoping that helps soon. Also since I have started this diet I have lost 40 pounds so far. I am in a size 16-18 now woooooooohoooooooo. I will try to do an entry again soon and add more pics I have a Drs appt today with a specialist cuz I have a few medical problems that need looked into, I just hope I am ok.