Wednesday, November 16, 2005
pics of maddie and update on everyone
It has been so long since I have done an update, things here are crazy. Finals are coming up in school, I have a million projects and papers due. Mom is doing better physically but not emotionally. The holidays are hard on her, plus she is dealing with a lot of stress herself. I try to be there for her as much as I can. It just feels like the family is falling apart and no matter what I do or how hard I try theres nothing I can do to either help it or prevent it. I don't know where to turn for help. I know if dad and grandma was here they would know what to do. I miss them so much. I know I havent had time to grieve for either one I have been so busy trying to take care of everyone else. I know one day its gonna hit me and I know its gonna hit me hard. I put on a smile in front of other people but deep inside the tears are falling and can't stop. my number one concern right now though is my mom, I have to help her, I have to take care of her, I want to make sure that she is proud of who I have become. I know dad and grandma are looking down on me smiling, I have done so much growing the last 15 months. My Dr increased my meds so I am hoping that helps soon. Also since I have started this diet I have lost 40 pounds so far. I am in a size 16-18 now woooooooohoooooooo. I will try to do an entry again soon and add more pics I have a Drs appt today with a specialist cuz I have a few medical problems that need looked into, I just hope I am ok.